I feel real.

 I feel so alive.

Yes, that’s the North Korean flag. No, it doesn’t belong to me and I didn’t choose to put it there lol

Reunited!

 

Recording life

Back to blogging

I deleted my old blog account because it represents a time which I'd like to forget. I'm not gonna regain the few followers I had, but that's fine, this is a dead platform and I use it mainly for me and no one else.

I guess I would like to record how I was backstabbed by two friends in January - two friends, who, before this, I considered precious to me. Let's just say everything went fucking nuclear between the three of us. I think it’s my stubborn Taurean nature combined with my Scorpio moon that lends my personality a vindictive streak that can be hard to overcome, so I don't know when I'll stop being pissed.

Sometimes I feel like my life has been nothing but multiple episodes of being f*cked over by people I trusted and went out of my way for, and I guess my mom was right that I'm naive, that I’m too trusting and too nice. That I'm a doormat who invites these things. I used to get upset when she said those things, because I felt like she was being needlessly harsh and because I wanted to see good in everyone. Well, I was dumb. I’m 20, of course I’m dumb. 

I definitely grieved this year. We had great times as friends together and those memories are forever tarnished. I'm past that part though. Now I'm just angry. It's September and can I go more than a few days without thinking about it? No. It's fucked me up, let's put it that way. 

On another note, I moved and there’s another disturbed babushka downstairs. She blows a gasket when she hears water running in other apartments so when I turn on the sink I hear her yelling "THE WAAAAATER IS RUNNING, THE WATER IS RUNNING!" in Russian. I’d write that in Russian if I could, I’m just telling you what my Russian friend told me she’s saying. The last flat also had an old paranoid granny who stood in the hall for hours ranting and left obscenely written posters detailing her paranoia of 'poison electricity', 'poison water pipes' and accusing people of breaking, entering and stealing her documents. I actually have pictures of her posters on my old phone. Of course, I understand they more than likely have dementia or something at their age. I feel bad for them as they are alone. 

Naive memory