Mishearing things can create interesting ideas

Various self portraits from over the years that I edited today

Stop wanting for the unattainable

 

Nothing is real!

Photos I took on my 5 km walk yesterday

What is it that pulls my heart towards the unattainable things in life? 

I Don’t Wanna Be a Beautiful Sexy Woman, I’m SAD :-(

 All my adult life I’ve vacillated between between caring what people think of my appearance and not caring at all. I’m in a not caring at all phase right now. I’ll dress like a jake if I want to, and I don’t care! Does anyone else’s family say “you look like a jake” to mean you look bad/are dressed poorly? I’ve never heard it from anyone else except my mom and her family. Sorry to all the Jakes out there, but in my mind it’ll always be someone that doesn’t look put together. It must be highly specific to the little area they’re from.

I am on a plant-based ketogenic diet at the moment and successfully losing weight, but I didn’t really need to lose any weight - it’s just a side effect of my current eating habits. Typically, I am following a lacto-ovo vegetarian diet…I cut out that stuff for now as I try to figure out what triggers inflammation and whatnot…

When I look back at my old photos from a few year ago, it’s like looking at an alien or a stranger. I haven’t aged dramatically because I am still in my 20s and have been a fanatic for sun protection since I was 16. But, I no longer wear heavy makeup. And I feel better for it. I tried wearing a BB cream a few days ago and felt like my face is suffocating.

Well, nothing about this post is really coherent. That’s ok. I’m grieving my old life and pondering how everything just flew by. I don’t think the door to living here will be forever shut, I just won’t be back for a long time. I feel like a foreigner in America, but I’m forever a foreigner here too. Not that I think I’m so special or different from anyone else, but when you’ve been living away from your homeland since you were a teenager, it IS a shock to go back to living there full time again. I’m not back in the states yet…but, I will be soon. I just hope I can get things together quickly and stop crying. GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER! I say to myself. I’ve seen amazing stuff. Been to interesting places. Achieved a few things. So, no need to cry. 

Fragments of the past

 

Time Capsule

This blog started as my little personal place to VERY sporadically rant from time to time about whatever random stuff was going on with me, or post photos of my occasional travels. I think for me the appeal of this platform is that no one goes on here. I’m posting publicly and basically no one sees it, but at the same time, there’s always the off chance someone might stumble on it and I just don’t even care who might read my inane thoughts. Does that even make sense? I don’t care, LOL! Scream, scream into the void. I started posting here shortly after I first moved to Estonia, back I was still a teenager. Oh, where does the time go. And now that I’m leaving soon, back to America after so many years, I felt like I should revisit it. Looking back, I really wrote some really silly stuff here. Not unlike this post. Yet, I’m glad I have this Time Capsule. Though, I did delete some things…a lot of things. 

A rose I saw lying in the snow this past winter. I saw it and I thought to myself, that’s too perfect.

I knew that eventually I’ll leave here. Oh well. Onwards to the next thing.